Living with Anxiety?
Practical Strategies from a Therapist.
Illustration By: Olivia Herrick Design
Understanding Anxiety: It’s Okay to Feel Anxious
Anxiety can feel like a heavy weight, like it’s always lurking in the background, waiting to overwhelm you. It can show up in many different ways: racing thoughts, tightness in your chest, or a feeling of being disconnected from the present moment. If you’re living with anxiety, know that you’re not alone. And more importantly, there are ways to meet it and reclaim your peace of mind.
As a therapist, I’ve supported many people working through anxiety, and I want to share some practical strategies that can help you manage those anxious feelings. You don’t have to feel like anxiety is running the show — you have the power to navigate it in a way that feels kinder and more manageable.
Stress vs Anxiety: Knowing the Difference
It’s important to first understand what anxiety really is. It’s not a "bad" emotion — it’s a natural response to stress or perceived danger. At its heart, anxiety is your body’s way of preparing you to act. It’s that "fight or flight" response we all have when we’re faced with a stressful situation. Sometimes, anxiety can be helpful, like when it alerts us to danger. But it becomes challenging when it’s triggered by things that aren’t actually threatening, or when it sticks around for far longer than it needs to.
Stress is usually the response to external pressure — think of deadlines, a family event coming up, or feeling like you have too much to juggle. Stress is usually temporary — it comes in waves and fades once the stressor is resolved.
Anxiety, on the other hand, isn’t always tied to an immediate event. It lingers, often showing up as constant worry or fear, even when nothing “bad” is happening. It can feel like a weight on your chest or a nagging thought you can’t shake off, and it can stick around long after the stressful event has passed.
The good news? Once we can spot the difference, we can approach them in ways that work for us.
How Anxiety Manifests
Anxiety isn’t always loud or obvious. Sometimes, it’s the quiet, persistent feelings that really get to us. You might experience:
Overactive Thoughts: “What if this goes wrong?” “What if I’m not good enough?”
Physical Tension: You might notice a tightness in your chest or a racing heartbeat.
A Sense of Disconnection: Feeling detached from what’s happening around you or like you’re in a fog.
Anxiety is often your body’s way of telling you something feels off. Understanding it for what it is can help take away some of its power.
Illustration By: Liz and Mollie
The Urge to Push Anxiety Away (But Why It Doesn’t Work)
When anxiety shows up, it’s tempting to ignore it, numb it, or distract yourself from it. But these short-term coping strategies don’t really help in the long run. Common things people try when feeling anxious include:
Negative Self-Talk: Saying things like “I can’t handle this” or “I’m just not good enough” only feeds the anxiety.
Avoiding Situations: It might feel easier to avoid what’s making you feel anxious, but this doesn’t help you face and manage the fear in a healthy way.
Comfort-Seeking: Turning to things like food, alcohol, or mindless distractions might bring temporary relief, but it doesn’t deal with the root of the anxiety.
Rather than pushing the anxiety away, the goal is to approach it with kindness, curiosity, and understanding.
Anxiety Isn’t the Enemy
It’s easy to see anxiety as something bad that needs to be beaten down, but what if we tried to view it differently? Anxiety is not the enemy. It’s just a feeling, a message from your body that something feels uncertain or out of your control. It’s okay to feel anxious — it’s a normal part of life. The key is learning how to meet anxiety with compassion rather than fear.
When you start to view anxiety with understanding, it loosens its grip. It doesn’t make it disappear, but it allows you to respond to it with more ease.
Befriending Your Anxiety: Small Shifts That Help
Instead of resisting anxiety, try to welcome it in with kindness.
Here’s how you can shift your perspective:
Acknowledge It: “I’m feeling anxious right now, and that’s okay.”
Validate It: “Given everything that’s going on, it makes sense that I feel this way.”
Reframe It: “Anxiety is just a feeling, and I can handle this.”
These little shifts in how you approach anxiety can create a sense of peace. You’re not fighting with yourself anymore. Instead, you’re working with your feelings in a way that feels supportive.
Illustration By: @dr.michellechung
How to Calm Yourself in the Moment
When anxiety starts to rise, here are some simple steps you can take to calm your body and mind:
Pause and Check In: Take a moment to notice what’s happening in your body and mind without judgment. It’s important to recognise the physical sensations of anxiety so you can respond to them mindfully.
Take a Deep Breath: Breathe in slowly for a count of four, hold for seven, then exhale for eight.
When you engage in deep breathing (like the technique mentioned), you help activate the parasympathetic nervous system, which is responsible for promoting a state of relaxation in the body. It counters the "fight or flight" response of the sympathetic nervous system, helping you move into a state that’s more conducive to relaxation, digestion, and social connection (often referred to as "rest and digest" or "safe and social").
Use Grounding Techniques: Tune into your senses. What can you hear, feel, see, taste, or smell right now? This helps anchor you to the present moment, shifting your focus from your thoughts to what’s happening in the here and now.
Remember, it’s not about making anxiety go away forever — it’s about finding ways to feel more at ease with your response to it.
Recognising the Difference Between Worries and Real Problems
Anxiety thrives in uncertainty, often stirring up worries. But are these worries actual problems, or just fears about things that might never happen? Here’s a simple way to break it down:
Real Problems: Challenges that exist in the present and can be worked through or solved in some way.
Worries: Hypothetical concerns, often based on fears about things that haven’t happened yet.
When you’re feeling anxious, ask yourself: Is this something I can address right now, or is it just a worry? If it’s a real problem, focus on what you can do. If it’s just a worry, remind yourself of the saying: You’ve made it through 100% of your worst days—and you’ll handle whatever comes your way.
Building Self-Trust: You’ve Got This
When anxiety starts to creep in, it can feel like we’re losing control. But here's the truth: You’ve faced tough situations before and come through them. Your ability to handle challenges is already proven.
Try these simple reminders to reconnect with your strength:
"I’ve handled difficult situations before, and I can manage this too."
"I’m capable of navigating whatever comes my way."
"I trust myself to take action when I need to."
These reminders help reinforce your self-trust and boost your confidence in handling whatever comes next.
Illustration By: Liz and Mollie
You’re Not Alone: Reach Out for Support
Anxiety can feel incredibly isolating, but it’s important to remember that you don’t have to go through it alone. Talking to someone you trust — a friend, a family member, or a therapist — can make a world of difference. You are not alone in this, and asking for support is a brave, healthy step.
Start Small: Every Step is Progress
Managing anxiety is a process, and it takes time. Don’t expect to have all the answers straight away. Instead, start with one small thing — whether it’s a grounding technique, practising self-compassion, or reaching out for support. Every small step is progress, and you’re doing the best you can.
Illustration By: Olivia Herrick Design
Final Thoughts: Be Kind to Yourself
Anxiety doesn’t define you, and it’s not something to fear or judge. It’s simply a feeling, one that can be understood and managed with patience and kindness. The approach in this article was inspired by the work of Dr. Becky Kennedy, whose teachings resonate deeply with me. But as a therapist trained in various therapeutic models, I understand that this approach may not be for everyone. If it doesn't quite fit with you, please know that there are many different ways to support yourself through anxiety. I plan to explore these other approaches in future writings, so there will be more to come.
Above all, be gentle with yourself. Take things at your own pace and do something that brings you joy, however small it may seem. There’s no rush—take it one moment at a time, knowing that you are exactly where you need to be.
For more tips and insights, follow me on Instagram @anikabull_therapy. I’d love to connect with you!
